Compulsively obsessive.

I am on another one of my manic bursts again; I've been writing adn reading with a furvor I haven't had in a while. I'm not worried or upset about it, quite the opposite, I'm overjoyed at my new obsession with one of my loves. I really hope to apply this new burst of creative enthusiasm to my other arts-- and to academics, I guess.

I've been looking into fine art schools abroad and in other states, I've got my heart set on a few places, and a friend suggested to me a school I've never considered. Julliard. I don't know why I've never considered it as an option, I'm a triple threat and then some; I suppose I've always just assumed taht while I'm good at all of them, there will always be someone better.

That's not going to be my thinking anymore; if I don't deserve it, they'll be hard pressed to find someone better. I'm gonna knock everything I do out of the park. Watch me.

I can't believe it...

I've actually done it. I've finished my one-act version of my play. I didn't think I could do it. Even though we cast people and have started rehearsals I didn't know if I'd have it in me to finish. But I have!

Not only that, but I'm planning to extend it to a full length play!!! It was hard to write this much, but I feel that to do my life justice, I've got to do it full out. It'll be a challenge but I think that I've gone more than halfway and truly no one can take this away from me.

Watch out world, here marks the beginning of the rise of my empire.

TCCSTA.♥

TCCSTA [[Texas Community College Speech and Theatre Association]] play festival this year was FANTASTIC. I LOVE LOVE LOVE performing, and seeing shows, and just the camaraderie we form with other actors always astounds me. Our school receieved an "Excellence" and I got a "Superior" for my acting!

Sure there were some tiffs within our own sanctions, but that just makes the new friendships formed that much more important! haha I'm sad I can't compete next year, but I'm not sure if I'm going to be at Tomball then either so eh. Only time will tell and if I am I'll add it to my list of life lessons and experiences gathered and keep trucking.

Utterly undeniable.

I've spent this week in the company of others, and I've realized that I really really miss my California people, and I need more alone time.

I have had just about everyone around me be on my last nerve at least once, and I just want a vacation away from them all. I'm so stressed with contest show that I'm considering divorcing myself from everyone just like last year haha

I need more time with just me; just about the only time I've been alone the past few weeks are when I'm asleep. Sometimes I need to be with others, but lately I've been missing alone time. Stolen moments and sleep aren't enough.

What's done is done...

...and needlessly holding onto anger isn't going to change the fact that it's finished. I understand your pride might be a bit wounded, but really, we're going to go an entire week of avoiding each other and not speaking over this? My mother found out I have a tattoo and is utterly PISSED off, and while I understand her anger, this irrational punishment she's doing isn't going to make the tattoo go away or make me want it any less. So she might want to rethink her tactics.

I'm trying so hard to finish my student direct, but my migraines are so bad I can't see straight sometimes. This show is emotionally draining to write to begin with, but with the stress from my mother, the show and school on top of it, it's a wonder I haven't just thrown in the towel.

oh me oh my.

Life is a tad jumbled now, hence the gap in posting. But holiday season is kicking in so I've practically sold my soul to the Dirrty Bird ©. Let's get a jump on this post shall we?

I recently got my body touched, and that opened an entire can of worms. He's got a girlfriend, and I figured that'd work to my benefit because I'm not looking for a relationshit. Well, he's crumbled under the pressure I guess, because he's dropped the ball. That's not the annoying part-- it's the regression he's suddenly taken. It's very junior high: the slinking around in my view in the hopes to make me watch him, the talking about me with his friends so there's a little mob throwing not-subtle-at-all glances my way, the whole NOT TEXTING thing. ugh, ridiculous. We're both adults, let's handle this in an adult way. Whatever.

I'm so overwhelmed lately that I've taken a mental health week, but now I need to get back in the grind. I need to finish "Haunted", my prompt book for "Pygmalion", my set design for "Antony and Cleopatra", and the 30 billion other things I've pushed back. I don't want to get behind schedule, but I also don't need a mental break down. That would push the schedule even further, and we can't have that. Oh crap, that reminds me, I've got to start working on my monologues and my USC essays.

I am reaffirming something I've believed in all my life: you should only fall in love if you've got an amazing story behind it. You're going to have to retell this story at PTA functions, your wedding, dinner parties, etc, so why not have a great story to tell? I refuse to fall in love unless we've got an interesting story to tell, I am fabulous enough for an even greater love than "high school sweethearts" or whatever, so I am going to demand what I deserve.

My friends are fantastic, and supportive, and hilarious. Throughout everything I'm going through, mucking around in or avoiding they've got something to offer. Thanks you guys for being amazing and keeping me sane =]

first loves, new loves && loves rekindled.

I started working at American Eagle again, and those kids are just as crazy and fun as I remember them! But retail...ugh. If you've never worked in retail, you won't understand what I mean when I say it's a love-hate relationship. It never gets old, because everyday is something new to do, and there's all kinds of shenanigans that can happen in a single shift during retail. From crazy soccer moms losing their shit over returns to a couple trying to have fellatio in the fitting rooms to finding a used tampon under a table somewhere. But there's also rude people, thieves and all kinds of rude people who treat you like crap. Just because I'm there to help you and serve you doesn't make me a servant--it doesn't make me less of a human. I'm working to support myself just like you are, the only difference is material. So please step down from your high horse and treat me with a little respect. Civility is appreciated.

True to form, Scott not only welcomed me back like the Prodigal Child, but launched right back into one of our music talks. Gym Class Heroes, K-os and Paolo Nutini I liked before, but he gave me the CD's I've been looking for and I've fallen in LOVE with these artists. GCH's album "The Papercut Chronicles" is utterly brilliant--dark, but brilliant. And dare I say, what I think is their best album. k-os never disappoints, both albums are seamless and he's so smooth. Paolo Nutini's crooning is so tender and sweet--a guilty AE alum pleasure.

Aahh, and a conversation with Chelle about Regina Spektor, Fiona Apple, Duffy && Adele has sparked interest in their music besides what I just have on my ipod. We've gotten me interested in lyrical expression, and I really wish I could write songs as gorgeous as these women, Chelle included. Haha but Chelle's right, I'll dabble, just as she'll dabble in dance, and our main focus will always be acting and theatre.
Oh! In theatre, we've lost a week and a half of rehearsal, but we're pushing on and picking up the pace. It's like we haven't lost anytime and in fact, we're able to fine tune things we didn't feel were smooth. This show isn't going to disappoint and I'm proud of the cast--we've had many a setback, from someone dropping out before our first rehearsal to losing a week, but we're still in this together. Theatre is like a family because we all depend on each other for support, help and cohesion. If someone's not pulling their weight, then the whole cast looks ridiculous.