Losing

Losing my job has been extremely stressful because I've been able to see my last day looming in the distance. I've been trying and trying to no avail to find another job before this one ends.

Why on earth is this so difficult, you ask? Because my little boy is too young for daycare and my work availability would have to work around that. I can't bartend or work overnights because I've still got to be able to be up and functioning with Charlie in the daytime.

I'm staying positive and trusting there's a purpose for this. I just needed to vent haha "worry is self harassment".

when there's nothing left to burn, you've got to set yourself on fire.

I've been so crazy swamped that I haven't had a chance to post. Let's update on whats happening now:

I've started dating this guy, Mark, and while it's a new thing, he's great. I haven't been in a relationship in years and frankly wasn't looking or interested in a relationship, but Mark blindsided me-- something he does often, I like it, it keeps me on my toes.

I am taking a semester off to recharge and save up for moving out and on. Wherever my life takes me next I'm going to need to be prepared so that's what this semester off will be for. I've spent enough time in limbo and frankly I'm ready for the rest of the adventure.

I'm working on writing more, I've seriously been slacking and I'm tired of it haha. If I don't push myself I won't accomplish anything, and that doesn't work for me. I'm posting all of my works to this blog

2010

Dear 2010,

I know that our initial meeting was a bit strained-- I was cursing at the sun through the closed blinds and begging Lady Gaga for a refund on you. But I digress.

I'm writing you to let you know that you will soon be my bitch. Yes, it's true. This year I am going to get my ass in gear, and go H A R D. I'm sure you had plans for me, but I really don't care.

You may have had some romance lined up, but you can save it. I won't have time nor the desire to be courted or wooed. And honestly, I don't have much faith in your taste-- the people you've tried to surround me with so far are not the business. And frankly, 2009 ended on a high note in the guy department and I'd like to let sleeping dogs lie frankly.

Sex is always on the menu as far as I'm concerned but I really don't think I'm going to be having too much of it this year. I know I know, this isn't at all what you were expecting from me, based off what you heard from years past, but this is a new era. Get in line.

My hustle is going to be top shelf this year, so I cannot have you trying to distract, or detour me k? I thought I should write you while we're still getting to know each other and just let you know how this year is going to go down.

Yours truly,
T.

p.s. no. you may not dreg up exes or curveballs.

What's done is done...

...and needlessly holding onto anger isn't going to change the fact that it's finished. I understand your pride might be a bit wounded, but really, we're going to go an entire week of avoiding each other and not speaking over this? My mother found out I have a tattoo and is utterly PISSED off, and while I understand her anger, this irrational punishment she's doing isn't going to make the tattoo go away or make me want it any less. So she might want to rethink her tactics.

I'm trying so hard to finish my student direct, but my migraines are so bad I can't see straight sometimes. This show is emotionally draining to write to begin with, but with the stress from my mother, the show and school on top of it, it's a wonder I haven't just thrown in the towel.

Everytime I wonder why I do this.

Floorset was 12 hours long this floorset, and my goodness it was so draining. I fell asleep AT floorset, and I just slept like 9 hours. I wasted an entire day, and I so hate to do that. Now I suppose I'm just wrapping up some loose ends, catching up on things.

Really all I'm trying to do is avoid making a fool of myself; idle hands are the devil's playground after all.....

oh me oh my.

Life is a tad jumbled now, hence the gap in posting. But holiday season is kicking in so I've practically sold my soul to the Dirrty Bird ©. Let's get a jump on this post shall we?

I recently got my body touched, and that opened an entire can of worms. He's got a girlfriend, and I figured that'd work to my benefit because I'm not looking for a relationshit. Well, he's crumbled under the pressure I guess, because he's dropped the ball. That's not the annoying part-- it's the regression he's suddenly taken. It's very junior high: the slinking around in my view in the hopes to make me watch him, the talking about me with his friends so there's a little mob throwing not-subtle-at-all glances my way, the whole NOT TEXTING thing. ugh, ridiculous. We're both adults, let's handle this in an adult way. Whatever.

I'm so overwhelmed lately that I've taken a mental health week, but now I need to get back in the grind. I need to finish "Haunted", my prompt book for "Pygmalion", my set design for "Antony and Cleopatra", and the 30 billion other things I've pushed back. I don't want to get behind schedule, but I also don't need a mental break down. That would push the schedule even further, and we can't have that. Oh crap, that reminds me, I've got to start working on my monologues and my USC essays.

I am reaffirming something I've believed in all my life: you should only fall in love if you've got an amazing story behind it. You're going to have to retell this story at PTA functions, your wedding, dinner parties, etc, so why not have a great story to tell? I refuse to fall in love unless we've got an interesting story to tell, I am fabulous enough for an even greater love than "high school sweethearts" or whatever, so I am going to demand what I deserve.

My friends are fantastic, and supportive, and hilarious. Throughout everything I'm going through, mucking around in or avoiding they've got something to offer. Thanks you guys for being amazing and keeping me sane =]

Future expatriate? It could be in the cards.

This political debate and my family's reactions to it makes me feel like becoming an expat might be my best bet. My faith in this country is very much hanging on by a thread; this might just be the force that breaks it.

I've always planned on being a traveler and citizen of the world. Looks like I'm getting a start early. I've started looking at international movers, and real estate. and of course the job market. Hm, the latter seems to be the hardest part.

I have very little time to become fluent in French, and to learn how to change my resume into a French friendly format. Anyone know the requirements for French citizenship?

first loves, new loves && loves rekindled.

I started working at American Eagle again, and those kids are just as crazy and fun as I remember them! But retail...ugh. If you've never worked in retail, you won't understand what I mean when I say it's a love-hate relationship. It never gets old, because everyday is something new to do, and there's all kinds of shenanigans that can happen in a single shift during retail. From crazy soccer moms losing their shit over returns to a couple trying to have fellatio in the fitting rooms to finding a used tampon under a table somewhere. But there's also rude people, thieves and all kinds of rude people who treat you like crap. Just because I'm there to help you and serve you doesn't make me a servant--it doesn't make me less of a human. I'm working to support myself just like you are, the only difference is material. So please step down from your high horse and treat me with a little respect. Civility is appreciated.

True to form, Scott not only welcomed me back like the Prodigal Child, but launched right back into one of our music talks. Gym Class Heroes, K-os and Paolo Nutini I liked before, but he gave me the CD's I've been looking for and I've fallen in LOVE with these artists. GCH's album "The Papercut Chronicles" is utterly brilliant--dark, but brilliant. And dare I say, what I think is their best album. k-os never disappoints, both albums are seamless and he's so smooth. Paolo Nutini's crooning is so tender and sweet--a guilty AE alum pleasure.

Aahh, and a conversation with Chelle about Regina Spektor, Fiona Apple, Duffy && Adele has sparked interest in their music besides what I just have on my ipod. We've gotten me interested in lyrical expression, and I really wish I could write songs as gorgeous as these women, Chelle included. Haha but Chelle's right, I'll dabble, just as she'll dabble in dance, and our main focus will always be acting and theatre.
Oh! In theatre, we've lost a week and a half of rehearsal, but we're pushing on and picking up the pace. It's like we haven't lost anytime and in fact, we're able to fine tune things we didn't feel were smooth. This show isn't going to disappoint and I'm proud of the cast--we've had many a setback, from someone dropping out before our first rehearsal to losing a week, but we're still in this together. Theatre is like a family because we all depend on each other for support, help and cohesion. If someone's not pulling their weight, then the whole cast looks ridiculous.