you are so amazingly wrong for me

It continues to surprise me when I realize how completely off base some people's lives are. They have no direction or sense of purpose. I may feel completely overwhelmed at times, but at least it's all building up for something.

There may be times when I feel like I've lost my center, and I'm like a boat lost at see with no rudder, sail or compass. But at least I've got a support system, and a group of people who know me through and through and I can dump my problems into their lap and they'll just sort through it and give me a solution I'd never have seen.

I might be out of sorts, a bitch, and scatter-brained, but I'm single-minded to the point of recklessness, driven, and straight forward. When I'm big, famous and in your face, you'll realize that I called this ages back. I didn't stop working towards it, even when I was drowning in hard times, confusion and frustrations.

It'll take more than anything this life can dish out to me. God led me to it, He'll lead me through it, and best believe our plan involves me changing the world.

in all that noise.

Today I was working and realized that I really do give too much of myself to people. While that's good in the sense that people know they can turn to me and there are people who depend on me. It also means that there is little to no reciprocation on that "shoulder-to-cry-on" relationship. Honestly, how hard is it to listen to someone when they need to vent? How hard is it to be a soundboard for someone's hopes, fears, dreams and despairs? ITS NOT HARD; I do it on a regular basis, but I have very few people I know will drop what they're doing for 20 minutes to listen to me blather on and on about nothing until a gem pops out and all they'll do is smile and say "I knew you'd find it". That's a working, loving balanced friendship-- what the hell is wrong with the rest of you?

oh me oh my.

Life is a tad jumbled now, hence the gap in posting. But holiday season is kicking in so I've practically sold my soul to the Dirrty Bird ©. Let's get a jump on this post shall we?

I recently got my body touched, and that opened an entire can of worms. He's got a girlfriend, and I figured that'd work to my benefit because I'm not looking for a relationshit. Well, he's crumbled under the pressure I guess, because he's dropped the ball. That's not the annoying part-- it's the regression he's suddenly taken. It's very junior high: the slinking around in my view in the hopes to make me watch him, the talking about me with his friends so there's a little mob throwing not-subtle-at-all glances my way, the whole NOT TEXTING thing. ugh, ridiculous. We're both adults, let's handle this in an adult way. Whatever.

I'm so overwhelmed lately that I've taken a mental health week, but now I need to get back in the grind. I need to finish "Haunted", my prompt book for "Pygmalion", my set design for "Antony and Cleopatra", and the 30 billion other things I've pushed back. I don't want to get behind schedule, but I also don't need a mental break down. That would push the schedule even further, and we can't have that. Oh crap, that reminds me, I've got to start working on my monologues and my USC essays.

I am reaffirming something I've believed in all my life: you should only fall in love if you've got an amazing story behind it. You're going to have to retell this story at PTA functions, your wedding, dinner parties, etc, so why not have a great story to tell? I refuse to fall in love unless we've got an interesting story to tell, I am fabulous enough for an even greater love than "high school sweethearts" or whatever, so I am going to demand what I deserve.

My friends are fantastic, and supportive, and hilarious. Throughout everything I'm going through, mucking around in or avoiding they've got something to offer. Thanks you guys for being amazing and keeping me sane =]

It's happened.

We have the first African American president and I admire the change we've gone through. And yet. Nothing has changed. Prop 8 was passed in California, therefor banning same-sex marriages. For us to now tell this group of citizens they can't get married because of what their sexual preference is, it's ludicrous. I'd thought we'd come farther than this. Next will be interracial marriages, at this rate.

Love is love.