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I signed up for this class thinking it would be a government class, you know, a class about the structure and the inner workings. that way I'd have a better idea of what I'm up against whilst running the world. I expected a few debates to keep things interesting and engaging.

Instead, I got a teacher who talks solely about the history of the government and it's influences. And an online class, because it is a surprise hybrid class, that no one follows, and the assignments are randomly entered with no warning.

I think I'd learn more by joining political groups and compiling their knowledge.

If you're not going to teach, don't become a teacher. If you want to just hear yourself talk, get a degree in communications and be a spokesperson for some corporation. Don't waste our time with your half-ass attempts to teach.

Lust overload.

Why is it when I really REALLY need a throw-me-down, kiss-me-senseless, so-passionate-the-neighbors-need-a-cigarette sex session, there's no one who fits the bill? Where's one of them when I need them?!

Its starting to take a toll on me physically, mentally and emotionally. I've got aches and pains; I've got headaches and moodswings. Glory, for the sake of everyone around me, I need my body touched.

Sex is literally a cure-all. and let me tell you something, I may not have time for a relationshit, but I certainly have time for sex. It doesn't help that I only have eyes for Gaspard Ulliel, either.

Oh, I had a fabulous dream the other night about Gaspard Ulliel. Mmm, it was sexual, and sweet and let me tell you something...it made me wake up rabid as the dickens.

Future expatriate? It could be in the cards.

This political debate and my family's reactions to it makes me feel like becoming an expat might be my best bet. My faith in this country is very much hanging on by a thread; this might just be the force that breaks it.

I've always planned on being a traveler and citizen of the world. Looks like I'm getting a start early. I've started looking at international movers, and real estate. and of course the job market. Hm, the latter seems to be the hardest part.

I have very little time to become fluent in French, and to learn how to change my resume into a French friendly format. Anyone know the requirements for French citizenship?

first loves, new loves && loves rekindled.

I started working at American Eagle again, and those kids are just as crazy and fun as I remember them! But retail...ugh. If you've never worked in retail, you won't understand what I mean when I say it's a love-hate relationship. It never gets old, because everyday is something new to do, and there's all kinds of shenanigans that can happen in a single shift during retail. From crazy soccer moms losing their shit over returns to a couple trying to have fellatio in the fitting rooms to finding a used tampon under a table somewhere. But there's also rude people, thieves and all kinds of rude people who treat you like crap. Just because I'm there to help you and serve you doesn't make me a servant--it doesn't make me less of a human. I'm working to support myself just like you are, the only difference is material. So please step down from your high horse and treat me with a little respect. Civility is appreciated.

True to form, Scott not only welcomed me back like the Prodigal Child, but launched right back into one of our music talks. Gym Class Heroes, K-os and Paolo Nutini I liked before, but he gave me the CD's I've been looking for and I've fallen in LOVE with these artists. GCH's album "The Papercut Chronicles" is utterly brilliant--dark, but brilliant. And dare I say, what I think is their best album. k-os never disappoints, both albums are seamless and he's so smooth. Paolo Nutini's crooning is so tender and sweet--a guilty AE alum pleasure.

Aahh, and a conversation with Chelle about Regina Spektor, Fiona Apple, Duffy && Adele has sparked interest in their music besides what I just have on my ipod. We've gotten me interested in lyrical expression, and I really wish I could write songs as gorgeous as these women, Chelle included. Haha but Chelle's right, I'll dabble, just as she'll dabble in dance, and our main focus will always be acting and theatre.
Oh! In theatre, we've lost a week and a half of rehearsal, but we're pushing on and picking up the pace. It's like we haven't lost anytime and in fact, we're able to fine tune things we didn't feel were smooth. This show isn't going to disappoint and I'm proud of the cast--we've had many a setback, from someone dropping out before our first rehearsal to losing a week, but we're still in this together. Theatre is like a family because we all depend on each other for support, help and cohesion. If someone's not pulling their weight, then the whole cast looks ridiculous.

"don't let me get famous"

haha i love my cousin. she's hilarious, and probably the reason i haven't disowned my family already haha she's so grounded and she's got my back. we were talking about how when we're famous we're going to keep being us. no boutique shopping just to spend money and see and be seen by paparazzi. no getting wild in public for attention and we're definitely keeping our bum days. we're still gonna shop at the alley in la and still rock ae or a&f and most definitely keep our sweats and nappy hair haha.

being famous shouldn't change who you are; you're the same person you were before you got famous, only your face is on magazines. don't let it get to your head. haha when i'm famous best believe things are going to be the same as they are, only instead of theatre rehearsal it's gonna be filming etc.

i've been working to be famous since birth; and i'll be damned if i don't get it.

wow. even now it hurts.

this started as a blog about rude drivers and crazy conservatives harassing me. and instead its become a blog about how even hearing about other people being molested or raped hurts my heart. i think it's my overwhelming sense of compassion. i get sympathy pains over anything--and something that huge just cuts me.

being molested and raped--that entire sense of violation--can decimate you. the utter lack of control over your life makes you feel so insignificant. it's impossible to describe, impossible to understand unless you've been there first. i've forgiven, and moved on, but still it hurts.

i can say that as a person who's risen past sexual abuse, physical abuse, and emotional abuse; i am stronger than anything that may come at me. i'm a boss bitch, and i have the baggage to prove that i've survived anything you have. but its still baggage i've got to carry.

i'll carry it so that when i'm famous i can help other people like me. other people who've lived past the worst of the human condition, can see that it won't make or break you unless you let it. you can try to doubt me, you can even say you're better. but believe me, i'm going to the stars. ad astra per aspera.

something on the horizon // need to move.

I have a feeling in my gut that something's coming-- something's on the horizon, and headed my way. I don't know if its a good thing or bad; but I'm ready. I'm thinking positive and keeping positive--never forgetting the laws of attraction. Gods got a will and his will has a way. So here I am, whatever you are. I'm ready to take you on or take you out.

Now onto the need to move. I haven't danced in a long while, and I can feel the atrophy in my limbs. I'm trapped, and everytime a dance comes to life in my mind, its torture to not be able to go somewhere and flesh it out. I need a dance space--nothing fancy, just empty space and mirrors. I need some place to lose myself and just move.