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I signed up for this class thinking it would be a government class, you know, a class about the structure and the inner workings. that way I'd have a better idea of what I'm up against whilst running the world. I expected a few debates to keep things interesting and engaging.

Instead, I got a teacher who talks solely about the history of the government and it's influences. And an online class, because it is a surprise hybrid class, that no one follows, and the assignments are randomly entered with no warning.

I think I'd learn more by joining political groups and compiling their knowledge.

If you're not going to teach, don't become a teacher. If you want to just hear yourself talk, get a degree in communications and be a spokesperson for some corporation. Don't waste our time with your half-ass attempts to teach.

Lust overload.

Why is it when I really REALLY need a throw-me-down, kiss-me-senseless, so-passionate-the-neighbors-need-a-cigarette sex session, there's no one who fits the bill? Where's one of them when I need them?!

Its starting to take a toll on me physically, mentally and emotionally. I've got aches and pains; I've got headaches and moodswings. Glory, for the sake of everyone around me, I need my body touched.

Sex is literally a cure-all. and let me tell you something, I may not have time for a relationshit, but I certainly have time for sex. It doesn't help that I only have eyes for Gaspard Ulliel, either.

Oh, I had a fabulous dream the other night about Gaspard Ulliel. Mmm, it was sexual, and sweet and let me tell you something...it made me wake up rabid as the dickens.

Future expatriate? It could be in the cards.

This political debate and my family's reactions to it makes me feel like becoming an expat might be my best bet. My faith in this country is very much hanging on by a thread; this might just be the force that breaks it.

I've always planned on being a traveler and citizen of the world. Looks like I'm getting a start early. I've started looking at international movers, and real estate. and of course the job market. Hm, the latter seems to be the hardest part.

I have very little time to become fluent in French, and to learn how to change my resume into a French friendly format. Anyone know the requirements for French citizenship?

first loves, new loves && loves rekindled.

I started working at American Eagle again, and those kids are just as crazy and fun as I remember them! But retail...ugh. If you've never worked in retail, you won't understand what I mean when I say it's a love-hate relationship. It never gets old, because everyday is something new to do, and there's all kinds of shenanigans that can happen in a single shift during retail. From crazy soccer moms losing their shit over returns to a couple trying to have fellatio in the fitting rooms to finding a used tampon under a table somewhere. But there's also rude people, thieves and all kinds of rude people who treat you like crap. Just because I'm there to help you and serve you doesn't make me a servant--it doesn't make me less of a human. I'm working to support myself just like you are, the only difference is material. So please step down from your high horse and treat me with a little respect. Civility is appreciated.

True to form, Scott not only welcomed me back like the Prodigal Child, but launched right back into one of our music talks. Gym Class Heroes, K-os and Paolo Nutini I liked before, but he gave me the CD's I've been looking for and I've fallen in LOVE with these artists. GCH's album "The Papercut Chronicles" is utterly brilliant--dark, but brilliant. And dare I say, what I think is their best album. k-os never disappoints, both albums are seamless and he's so smooth. Paolo Nutini's crooning is so tender and sweet--a guilty AE alum pleasure.

Aahh, and a conversation with Chelle about Regina Spektor, Fiona Apple, Duffy && Adele has sparked interest in their music besides what I just have on my ipod. We've gotten me interested in lyrical expression, and I really wish I could write songs as gorgeous as these women, Chelle included. Haha but Chelle's right, I'll dabble, just as she'll dabble in dance, and our main focus will always be acting and theatre.
Oh! In theatre, we've lost a week and a half of rehearsal, but we're pushing on and picking up the pace. It's like we haven't lost anytime and in fact, we're able to fine tune things we didn't feel were smooth. This show isn't going to disappoint and I'm proud of the cast--we've had many a setback, from someone dropping out before our first rehearsal to losing a week, but we're still in this together. Theatre is like a family because we all depend on each other for support, help and cohesion. If someone's not pulling their weight, then the whole cast looks ridiculous.

"don't let me get famous"

haha i love my cousin. she's hilarious, and probably the reason i haven't disowned my family already haha she's so grounded and she's got my back. we were talking about how when we're famous we're going to keep being us. no boutique shopping just to spend money and see and be seen by paparazzi. no getting wild in public for attention and we're definitely keeping our bum days. we're still gonna shop at the alley in la and still rock ae or a&f and most definitely keep our sweats and nappy hair haha.

being famous shouldn't change who you are; you're the same person you were before you got famous, only your face is on magazines. don't let it get to your head. haha when i'm famous best believe things are going to be the same as they are, only instead of theatre rehearsal it's gonna be filming etc.

i've been working to be famous since birth; and i'll be damned if i don't get it.

wow. even now it hurts.

this started as a blog about rude drivers and crazy conservatives harassing me. and instead its become a blog about how even hearing about other people being molested or raped hurts my heart. i think it's my overwhelming sense of compassion. i get sympathy pains over anything--and something that huge just cuts me.

being molested and raped--that entire sense of violation--can decimate you. the utter lack of control over your life makes you feel so insignificant. it's impossible to describe, impossible to understand unless you've been there first. i've forgiven, and moved on, but still it hurts.

i can say that as a person who's risen past sexual abuse, physical abuse, and emotional abuse; i am stronger than anything that may come at me. i'm a boss bitch, and i have the baggage to prove that i've survived anything you have. but its still baggage i've got to carry.

i'll carry it so that when i'm famous i can help other people like me. other people who've lived past the worst of the human condition, can see that it won't make or break you unless you let it. you can try to doubt me, you can even say you're better. but believe me, i'm going to the stars. ad astra per aspera.

something on the horizon // need to move.

I have a feeling in my gut that something's coming-- something's on the horizon, and headed my way. I don't know if its a good thing or bad; but I'm ready. I'm thinking positive and keeping positive--never forgetting the laws of attraction. Gods got a will and his will has a way. So here I am, whatever you are. I'm ready to take you on or take you out.

Now onto the need to move. I haven't danced in a long while, and I can feel the atrophy in my limbs. I'm trapped, and everytime a dance comes to life in my mind, its torture to not be able to go somewhere and flesh it out. I need a dance space--nothing fancy, just empty space and mirrors. I need some place to lose myself and just move.

to my family.

must be nice
to be the favorite child.
to be the loved child.
to be wanted.
to be a part of a family.

i've always been the scape goat;
so it doesn't hurt as much as it used to.
that's a lie.
it hurts just as much as the first time--
only fiercer. because it's built up.

"when you're going downhill, it gets faster towards the bottom"
and right now, i feel like it maybe bottoming out.
a relief and a worry at once.
a relief because its drawing to an end.
a worry because i'm not sure if the end will be on my terms or yours.

either way, i'm going to be on my own.
and i'll finally be able to love myself,
without being reminded of how much i'm not.

i am so proud of who i'm becoming,
and i just wish you could be too.
but i have a feeling you won't be until i've accomplished everything.
then you'll swear up and down you knew it all along.

i love me, for once.
why can't you love me too?
as is, nothing more, nothing less.
therese crews, flawed and brilliant.
not some fantasy you've built up in your head since i was in the womb.

this is my life. not yours.
please let me live it,
please watch me live it.
please want to be a part of it.

would you really cast me out, just like that?
leave me to the wolves, and never spare me a second thought?
you go on and on about how family comes first, and lasts past everything else.
yet, if i go about my own devices, i'm really on my own?

contradictions have always been a part of our relationship,
so i can't really expect anything else, now can i?
i love you, but i can't live with you.
i won't be driven mad again, to suicide.

i just pray that when i do go,
you'll know i leave part of me with you.
and i pray you'll give me a part of you to take with me.
that you'll think of this as me going on my path,
and not as a rebellion.

support me.
love me.
be a part of my life.

my feelings, and someone's writing about Palin, Mccain and Obama.

My personal feelings on this upcoming election are that the republicans have decimated our country's finances and morale for the past 8 years with war and trickery. Are we really so much about the status quo that we'll give our country to the NEXT set of republicans, to do with us what they may?

I feel that Obama's "blueprint" is a solid foundation for his presidency, and all the republican party seems to have is a veteran and smoke and mirrors.

Here's what a friend sent me:
Sarah Palin is not fit to be president. If McCain is elected and happens to die of cancer or old age before the end of his term, she will take over. think about that for a second. even if you are a Christian, you probably are not as delusional as she is. This woman believes the US military is the hand of god, doing the bidding of the creator of the universe in a holy war. She doesn't think women should be able to choose when to have children, she thinks ANY form of birth control should be illegal. That includes the pill and condoms - what will happen with AIDS and HIV when condoms are illegal? None of our kids will know what hit them because sex education will also be illegal. Palin believes the USA is a Christian nation and should be governed in accordance with God's will. All fine and dandy so long as you've burned the constitution and gotten rid of anyone who practices a different religion, a different sect of Christianity or, God forbid, no religion at all.

The republicans say they are for smaller government and lower taxes. but the policies they write are the opposite - they've tripled the size of government with agencies like the DHS and the expanded TSA - they've invited themselves into our homes without search warrants, they've tapped our phones and read our mail, they've crawled into our beds and told us who we can love, who we can marry and when we can or can't have kids. that's not smaller government. the tax code will be altered to give more breaks to the richest people and corporations in the country while they make the rest of us shoulder the burdens of their wars, both with our money and our blood. Obama's team plans to LOWER taxes for over %90 of Americans and raise taxes on the companies that are making the largest PROFITS in the HISTORY OF THE WORLD (these same companies also happen to be owned and operated by conservative oil men like Bush and Cheney)-- I'm getting off topic, sorry, let's focus on Palin.

she gave a good speech - i'll give her that - but she used to be a sports new anchor - so she knows how to read a teleprompter, fantastic. the mccain campaign has blown a lot of hot air about how Obama is all speeches and no plan (if you're someone who has swallowed that little chunk of poo, please read obama's 'blueprint for america' in which he outlines with great detail all of his plans should he win the election)-- the speech she gave was written by Bush's team (not kidding)-- and, predictably, it was full of blatant lies.

that's it from me, please read the facts about the speech and the lies she told a nation in her debut attacks.
-e.

The following is a quick response from Associated Press Writer Jim Drinkard.

ST. PAUL, Minn.— Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin and her Republican supporters held back little Wednesday as they issued dismissive attacks on Barack Obama and flattering praise on her credentials to be vice president. In some cases, the reproach and the praise stretched the truth.

Some examples:

PALIN: "I have protected the taxpayers by vetoing wasteful spending ... and championed reform to end the abuses of earmark spending by Congress. I told the Congress 'thanks but no thanks' for that Bridge to Nowhere."

THE FACTS: As mayor of Wasilla, Palin hired a lobbyist and traveled to Washington annually to support earmarks for the town totaling $27 million. In her two years as governor, Alaska has requested nearly $750 million in special federal spending, by far the largest per-capita request in the nation. While Palin notes she rejected plans to build a $398 million bridge from Ketchikan to an island with 50 residents and an airport, that opposition came only after the plan was ridiculed nationally as a "bridge to nowhere."

PALIN: "There is much to like and admire about our opponent. But listening to him speak, it's easy to forget that this is a man who has authored two memoirs but not a single major law or reform-- not even in the state senate."

THE FACTS: Compared to McCain and his two decades in the Senate, Obama does have a more meager record. But he has worked with Republicans to pass legislation that expanded efforts to intercept illegal shipments of weapons of mass destruction and to help destroy conventional weapons stockpiles. The legislation became law last year. To demean that accomplishment would be to also demean the work of Republican Sen. Richard Lugar of Indiana, a respected foreign policy voice in the Senate. In Illinois, he was the leader on two big, contentious measures in Illinois: studying racial profiling by police and requibring recordings of interrogations in potential death penalty cases. He also successfully co-sponsored major ethics reform legislation.

PALIN: "The Democratic nominee for president supports plans to raise income taxes, raise payroll taxes, raise investment income taxes, raise the death tax, raise business taxes, and increase the tax burden on the American people by hundreds of billions of dollars."

THE FACTS: The Tax Policy Center, a think tank run jointly by the Brookings Institution and the Urban Institute, concluded that Obama's plan would increase after-tax income for middle-income taxpayers by about 5 percent by 2012, or nearly $2,200 annually. McCain's plan, which cuts taxes across all income levels, would raise after tax-income for middle-income taxpayers by 3 percent, the center concluded. Obama would provide $80 billion in tax breaks, mainly for poor workers and the elderly, including tripling the Earned Income Tax Credit for minimum-wage workers and higher credits for larger families. He also would raise income taxes, capital gains and dividend taxes on the wealthiest. He would raise payroll taxes on taxpayers with incomes above $250,000, and he would raise corporate taxes. Small businesses that make more than $250,000 a year would see taxes rise.

MCCAIN: "She's been governor of our largest state, in charge of 20 percent of America's energy supply ... She's responsible for 20 percent of the nation's energy supply. I'm entertained by the comparison and I hope we can keep making that comparison that running a political campaign is somehow comparable to being the executive of the largest state in America," he said in an interview with ABC News' Charles Gibson.

THE FACTS: McCain's phrasing exaggerates both claims. Palin is governor of a state that ranks second nationally in crude oil production, but she's no more "responsible" for that resource than President Bush was when he was governor of Texas, another oil-producing state. In fact, her primary power is the ability to tax oil, which she did in concert with the Alaska Legislature. And where Alaska is the largest state in America, McCain could as easily have called it the 47th largest state-- by population.

MCCAIN: "She's the commander of the Alaska National Guard. ... She has been in charge, and she has had national security as one of her primary responsibilities," he said on ABC.

THE FACTS: While governors are in charge of their state guard units, that authority ends whenever those units are called to actual military service. When guard units are deployed to Iraq or Afghanistan, for example, they assume those duties under "federal status," which means they report to the Defense Department, not their governors. Alaska's national guard units have a total of about 4,200 personnel, among the smallest of state guard organizations.

FORMER ARKANSAS GOV. MIKE HUCKABEE: Palin "got more votes running for mayor of Wasilla, Alaska than Joe Biden got running for president of the United States."

THE FACTS: A whopper. Palin got 616 votes in the 1996 mayor's election, and got 909 in her 1999 re-election race, for a total of 1,525. Biden dropped out of the race after the Iowa caucuses, but he still got 76,165 votes in 23 states and the District of Columbia where he was on the ballot during the 2008 presidential primaries.

FORMER MASSACHUSETTS GOV.
MITT ROMNEY: "We need change, all right-- change from a liberal Washington to a conservative Washington! We have a prescription for every American who wants change in Washington-- throw out the big-government liberals, and elect John McCain and Sarah Palin."
THE FACTS: A Back-to-the-Future moment. George W. Bush, a conservative Republican, has been president for nearly eight years. And until last year, Republicans controlled Congress. Only since January 2007 have Democrats have been in charge of the House and Senate.

catharsis; purged; free.

have you ever wondered why you can bawl your eyes out at a movie and still love it? like why movies we laugh at, a year later forget, but we'll never shake the way the tragedy gripped us? this is why.

ca·thar·sis Listen to the pronunciation of catharsis
Pronunciation:
\kə-ˈthär-səs\
Function:
noun
Inflected Form(s):
plural ca·thar·ses Listen to the pronunciation of catharses \-ˌsēz\
Etymology:
New Latin, from Greek katharsis, from kathairein to cleanse, purge, from katharos
Date:
circa 1775

1: purification or purgation of the emotions (as pity and fear) primarily through art


its a purge of emotions; like wringing out a sponge. now, that catharsis is freeing because it doesn't keep you muddled up. it empties you of all the excess you've been hoarding and right now in my life, for the first time in a long time, i feel like i'm going through my catharsis and i'm going to come out of it more driven than ever. which is what i really need right now.

chelle and i have been talking about whoremones and their tendency to lead you towards romance, weddings, and mushy shit we don't have time for. but right now just thinking about a relationshit has me....indifferent. i know i don't need a guy to complete me, make me feel better, or take care of me. so what purpose can a guy possibly serve? NOTHING. that's it.

so why waste valuable time and effort on it? i'm not going to. i'm a bitch with deadlines, and if i'm going to be moving back home by this summer [[which best believe is about a done deal]] then i've gotta keep my nose to the grind. i'm already sadly behind schedule, and i've had to move deadlines around. NO MORE.

this year i've got the following goals and God willing, i'm going to accomplish them all:
[[1]] finish writing my student direct
[[2]] finish my writing
[[3]] get published
[[4]] move back to california
[[5]] audition and get into usc
[[6]] get situated with scholarships and a job
[[7]] begin my plan take over the world =]

so as you can see this year is pretty jam packed. so i don't have time for wishywashy immature fools, nor do i want to waste my time. i'm a busy boss bitch. get in line, or get out of my way.

don't try to hold me down with words and empty promises. i'm smarter than that, and if you think all it'll take to snare me is a few touches and kisses, mixed with the right words and looks then you're in for a rude awakening. i can use 'em and abuse 'em like the worst of them, but i'm classier than that. so you probably won't get the chance to even put your theory to the test. and even if you did, you'd end up getting played like the fool you are. so let's save you the embarrassment and me the time, and just not, k?

i've got my life in perspective, and adjusting my course. maybe instead of analyzing mine, and telling me how much i'm going to fail, you should look at your own life. you might find that what you're saying about others applies more to you and your lack of guidance.