Thinking about the future today has got me shaken because I'm realizing somethings:
I am absolutely terrified. Terrified of going, terrified of staying. Just terrified.
If I go, then there's the fear of failure, the fear of my self destructive tendecies totally going off the deep end. The utter fear that if I go, that my family will have nothing to do with me.
If I stay, I'm afraid I'll never leave, that I'll never accomplish the things I've set out before me. If I stay I'll beocme complacent and my self destructive sabatoage will take a crazier form I'm certain.
I'm also terrified that I'll never become anything because I'm not good enough for society//the establishments I seek to join. Sure, I know I'm talented, but is it enough or the right kind for my goals? What if I don't get into USC and I don't get published because it's not what they're looking for?
I'm absolutely terrified.
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2 comments:
its ok
we all get scared about our future
but the absolutely worse thing in life are the "what ifs"
i refuse to sit back and allow you to be caught up in "what ifs"
do it.
I know exactly how you feel, babe. But I'm with James.
I know it's easier said than done, I'm struggling with a similar choice these days but when I think about it I'd much rather just go for it and try, and if I fall flat on my face, at least I'll have learned something in the process, and I won't have to live my life wondering.
As for your family, well, they're your family. I know they don't always act like they'll be there for you, but I really think they will. At the very least Desi and your siblings will know where you're coming from, if the older generations don't. And you know that your friends, your second family, has got your back. Myself included.
I'm terrified too. Thats the beauty of it all. We're all terrified together. And together we're gonna change the world, regardless.
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